My white Christmas

So here's a great story about how God loves me more than Carl Zoch:
Once upon a time, two couples decided to go to Oregon for Christmas. The first family, the Zochs, decided to leave on Thursday. God smote the city with fog, and the Zochs had to wait till Saturday. After flying to Denver, God blessed Portland with incredible amounts of snow, and the Zochs had to stay in Denver. On Sunday, the Zochs, like the Herberts, turned their back on God and went to California. In holy retribution, God made the Zochs stay in California until He finally allowed them to go to Seattle, but not the beloved Portland. Meanwhile, the Reeses decided to leave on Tuesday, and God decided to test their faith, and so made them miss their connection in Denver. Luckily, the Reeses live in Tulsa and are therefore closer to God, so He allowed two, and only two, seats to open on the later flight into Portland, and the Reeses made it there before midnight. Also, to make it up to the Reeses, God gave them a free coffee at Starbucks in the airport.

So here in Portland, it's been snowing a lot, and it's still snowing, so we get to have a white Christmas. It's freaking gorgeous. Because it's the Northwest, there's awesome evergreen trees everywhere, and so it looks like a Hallmark card every time you look outside.

Finally, I have the most amazing wife ever. For Christmas, she got me a humidor. A humidor! And, and, she got cigars for said humidor. There were two, and she says, "Of course, one of those is for me." My wife bought us cigars, so that we can smoke them together for New Years.
This is the best Christmas ever, and Christmas hasn't even happened yet.

U.F.O.

My brother and I were sitting out on the porch a few moments ago, pontificating- as is the custom of Reeses- when we saw a UFO. I looked up in the sky, and this large, shiny, grayish crescent went gliding over our house. Now, tonight was partly cloudy, and the wind was blowing the clouds west pretty quickly. This crescent was the same color as the clouds, but it was going north. It had no lights, and made no sound, and it was big. It was roughly the same size as the moon in the sky. A little later a plane flew over, and it was really high, but we could still see its lights and hear its engines. Not so with this UFO. We watched go through a few couds, and then we lost sight of it over some trees. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen.

Fierce

A quick video showing our dear Adelaide training for the Octagon last week. She's practicing with a life-size dummy of Jack Daniels.



Note the sweet spin move at the beginning. It's like she was born a ninja.

The Grand Adventure

On Saturday, October 4th, at five in the morning, Laura and I embarked upon our Grand Adventure to get our puppy, Adelaide. Taking only a lunchbox, a travel mug of coffee, and a cd of Peruvian mountain flutes, we drove my parents' CRV the seven and a half hours to Conroe, Texas. On the way, we passed the statue of Sam Houston, and paid our respects.
When we finally get there, we find our dear little Adelaide dominating her two stockier brothers. It turns out that she is the alpha dog in the pack. She's also the only one with her coloring (the other three were white with brown spots). She took right to us, letting us hold her and following us around. In the past week, we've realized this is not her usual reaction to strangers. Anyway, after an hour of talking with the breeder, loading her crate and a fifty pound bag of dog food (That's a whole lot of dog food, by the way- and it's only supposed to last her a month and a half), we started the trip back home. On the way, we passed the statur of Sam Houston, and again paid our respects.
Seven hours later, we get to Joe's house, where Adelaide promptly peed on his yard because he never answers his phone. Along the way Adelaide never once whined, cried, peed or threw up. It was a huge success. We let her run around at the Ibanezes' for a while, and then she ate Keith Fischborn's car, because it is so tiny. Then, even though I'd long since lost all feeling in my butt, we got back in the car and headed for Tulsa.
We finally arrived home at 11:30 at night. Our arduous journey made me realize a few things about life. First, fifteen hours is way, way too long to spend driving a car. Second, one of the greatest things about living in Tulsa is that when you past that last QuikTrip in Dallas, you don't panic, because you know that you live just down the street from one. And finally, our dog is freaking awesome.
Here's a picture of her, expect more soon:

My life these days

So, it's been a while since I blogged. I figured I'd give a quick update.
First, I finished my rotation in Family Medicine (Primary Care), and it was the best time of my medical school adventure. Usually, when I have a job, or I'm in class, or I'm hanging out with Zach Herbert, all I really do is watch the clock and endure until I get to go home. Not so with Family Medicine. I found myself wanting to stay even after they told me I could go home. Now, nothing's official, but if I go with this, it will mean a few things:
1) I'll probably enjoy my life, and have more free time
2) I'll definitely never make as much as Zach
I still have something like eight more rotations to go, however, so who knows what I'll actually end up sticking with.
I've also got a few quick stories:
-A while back I saw a guy who would describe himself as a "baller." He'd had a stroke which paralyzed the right side of his body, but was making huge strides in recovering function. This guy went from bed ridden to walking and performing daily functions in less than 18 months. That's pretty rare. Despite all that, this hardcore guy breaks down and starts bawling in the room because he can't afford to keep his gas on, and he really wants to cook for his family. Seriously, bawling.
-I met a guy who can't do simple things like stand up from sitting, or sit from standing, because he gets stuck trying to remember everything he did and said the day before. He can't make himself move until he's sure he has it perfect, which means he may sit in a chair for 4 hours straight, just trying to get up.
-On my first day in my Family Medicine rotation, a girl in her early 20's came in for a pelvic exam. My resident and I and a nurse are in this room, and the resident begins the exam, and then, with the speculum still opened in this girl, the resident stands up and says, "I need my attending to look at this also," and walks out of the room. He is gone for five minutes. No kidding- I timed it. Five minutes in the most excruciatingly awkward situation in the world, and you start timing it because the only thing you look at is the clock. After five minutes, he comes back in, and explains that his atending is seeing another patient right now. "Don't worry," he says, "this doesn't take long. It'll just be another five or ten minutes." I'm not even making this up. After another seven and a half minutes of staring at the clock in dead silence, he finally returns with the attending. How there is not a malpractice suit pending, I have no idea.
Welp, I'll end with that. I'm on Psychiatry rotation right now, which means I show up at 7:30, talk to crazy people, and then leave at 11. Yeah, before noon. It's awesome, except that I'm not a big fan of Psych.

My next post, which should be soon, will tell of the grand adventure that was getting our new puppy.

Nieces and puppies- both adorable

So, first of all, I get a voicemail tonight, and when I check it, it's my niecesaying (semi-coherently) "Uncle Josh!" and then laughing. So I'm pretty pumped, because she's been having trouble saying my name, and it was fairly clear this time. I just figured that my brother put her up to this message to showcase this profound developmental milestone. When I call back, my brother tells me that in fact my niece took his phone when he wasn't looking, and then by chance speed dialed my number. When she heard my voicemail message, she -wait for it- recognized my voice, and then left that message. Yeah, my 18 month old niece just left me a voicemail.
Second, we got another picture of our dog, who still doesn't have a name. We still have 3 weeks to work on that. Also, we just found out she's hurricane proof.
And finally, a quick medical story. I'm seeing a patient, when her gigantic husband starts talking to me about how it's acceptable to eat animals that you run over. He tells a story about how he ran over a deer's legs. Not one to waste, he turns around, pulls up to the deer, and being gun-less but resourceful, cracks the deers head open with a pipe he has in the trunk. The story ends with the deer waking up in the trunk, running its antlers through the top, and the guy shooting it through the trunk with a rifle. Anyway, after all this, as I'm leaving the room, he asks me if I want to go bear hunting with him. I of course say yes, and then he tells me that we can't go with guns. I say, "Oh man, I couldn't hit anything with a bow." He replies, in all seriousness, "Naw, we won't use those. We're goin with swords."

Yeah, swords.

Peer pressure

Today Laura and I finally gave in to the peer pressure we've been fighting off for over two years, and we put a deposit down for a dog. Yes, I know, we have now joined the ranks of young married couples who have dogs instead of babies. Anyway, we are getting an Akita, which means two things: 1) our dog will be way bigger than your dog, and 2) our dog will be bigger than Laura. We are getting a girl, and she was born on July 30th. We'll road trip down into Texas to get her sometime around October 1st. So until then we're going to be busy trying to figure out a name, buying all the eight billion things that a puppy needs, starting to read puppy training books, and periodically posting pictures of her. Here's the first, which was taken yesterday:
In other news, we finally put up pictures of our house on Facebook. Also, Laura and I are flying to Portland in two weeks, and miraculously, in the 39 hours we will be there, an REI used gear sale will be happening.

I finally found it.

Yesterday I found the worst smell man has ever experienced. A rather large guy came in with a ridiculous mass protruding from his abdomen. Imagine if somebody put a basketball on top of your belly, and that's what this looked like. Anyway, it turns out that this was not a basketball, but a giant hernia. Now, the thing with normal hernias that is that sometimes a small portion of small intestine can poke out into them. This is worrisome because the intestines can get their circulation cut off that way, and then they die. Well, this guy had pretty much his ENTIRE small intestine poke out, and guess what- its circulation got cut off. So when they open this guy up in the operating room, they find this guy's intestines rotting. Yeah, you read that right. So imagine the smell of someone's entire small bowel rotting. Now, add to that the smell of all the feces in this small intestine. And we're not talking the semi-solid crap that we all know and love, this straight up diarrhea-style crap, and it's everywhere. To give you an idea about the magnitude of this smell, keep in mind that we are in a place where people routinely do surgery on limbs that have gangrene, and drain cysts full of puss, and no one really even flinches. I was in the room next to where they opened this guy up, and the nurses started putting vapor rub on our masks to try and block out the smell in our room just so we could finish our surgery. Then they went to the next room. By the end of this, the smell had cleared out an entire wing of operating rooms, and nurses were working in 15-20 minute shifts just to keep from puking. It was one of the most mind-blowingly horrific experiences of my entire life.

And then I went and got lunch.

I am J.D.

One thing I have failed to mention about being at OU Tulsa is that I get free food in the hospital cafeteria. Now, I know that doesn't sound that awesome, but this also counts for the physician's lunch room which isn't too bad. It's also great because Keith Fischborn is having to pay for all the food he gets at the hospital.
So as you can imagine, it only took a matter of minutes for us students to figure out how to abuse this privilege. There are two major flaws in the free food system: 1) No one keeps track of how much you spend, and 2) They provide plastic grocery sacks at checkout counter. Yes, plastic grocery sacks- that we of course fill with all manner of packaged foods and beverages. So now our fridge is full of various Coke products and energy drinks, our pantry is full of every kind of chips, and Laura and I don't have to buy milk or orange juice any more. While it's not quite a trunk full of pudding cups, I thought it was funny how my life was just that much more like Scrubs.

My day in Hell

So my morning starts off (at 4:45) with me interviewing a patient, and this was the conversation:
"Hi, my name is Josh Reese. I'm a medical student here to check up on you."
"Hi, I'm the Anti-Christ."
Apparently this is how he always introduces himself, and after dispensing with these formalities we had a normal interview.
Next, I head to the ICU, because that's where my rotation is this week. While there, I get to see an 18 year old kid who had jumped off a cliff into a lake. The kid wasn't stupid, and he made sure there were no rocks or stumps, and that the water was deep enough. For some reason, though, when he jumped in, he hit the water funny, and shattered his spine, bled into his brain, and stayed underwater for 7 minutes. So, they resuscitate the kid just so we can watch him die in the ICU.
Right before it's time for me to come home, I get a page on the infamous Trauma Pager. It described the incoming case as a 17 year old girl in a car wreck who was unresponsive. At the end of the page, in the "extra info" section, there was this pearl of poetic verbiage- "Head is mushy." No kidding, that's what it said. And you know what? They weren't lying either.
Meanwhile, as an update to my previous blog, the older gang-banger who got shot in the face is doing quite well except for a mandible the radiologist described as "pulverized."
And now, more than 14 hours later, I'm just getting home in time to eat dinner and go to bed, so I can start this all over again tomorrow.

Call night

Summing up my night thus far in one phrase (this is what show sup on my pager):

Gunshot wound to the face- ETA 7 min.

A day in my life

My day begins with waking up at 4 am. After taking a shower and downing a cup of coffee (Starbucks Pikes Place roast), I'm off to the hospital. I'll spare you the boring details of asking patients about bowel movements and farting, and jump to the more interesting. So far today I've spent 9 hours in surgery. In one surgery, the attending nicked the femoral artery, and everyone got showered in blood. I'm talking horror movie style blood spurts. Later on tonight I was taking out a thing that is basically an iv line in the femoral artery in the same patient, just the other femoral artery. What's supposed to happen is we pull this out, and I hold pressure for 10 minutes and we're done. What actually happened is that we lost the hole in this obese lady's fat rolls, pushed in the wrong place, and 30 seconds later this lady is laying in a pool of her own blood. Seriously, a pool of her own blood. after a couple of more minutes, we finally realize that something is wrong, and get pressure on the right spot. Don't worry, she's fine now. Also, I've given a rectal exam, placed a catheter, and started an IV tonight.
There's also non-blood and guts stuff. Today the kindly old lady whom I've seen every day since I started was discharged, and I never knew, and so never got to say bye. It's a weird feeling. Also, I met a lady with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) who lost the ability to talk 2 years ago. She now communicates with her family via text messaging. We had a text message contest, and this tiny little lady destroyed me. It was glorious.
Welp, it's now 2 in the morning, and I just heard a Life Flight helicopter fly in. It's too bad, because I could use a nap. I've already been interrupted three times since i started this. Anyway, I start rounds again at 4:45, and the day starts over from there.
And that's my life right now.

Surgery

I start my third year of medical school with a surgery rotation. Right now it's 4:05 am, and I'm eating a quick breakfast before I head up to the hospital. I don't expect to get home today until sometime after five. Tomorrow is even better. I'll be leaving at the same time, but instead of getting to come home, I'll be staying up at the hospital all night as I am "on-call," and then I'll put in another full day, hoping to get home around five on Friday.
So, this will be my life for the next seven weeks. Don't you wish you'd gone to medical school?

No rest for the weary

First, we moved, and it's awesome.
Second, we went to Chicago and then Oregon with Joe and Meg, and that was also awesome. We went hiking around waterfalls, went wine tasting through the Willamette Valley (and got a free bottle of pinot noir!), went to the beach, went for a night on downtown, ate seafood till we almost puked, etc. Here's my great story from the trip though: we were flying out Saturday afternoon, and the REI used gear sale (which is where I got my Chacos for $2.83) was Sunday morning. We sullenly got on our plane, and then Jesus Christ himself came down and broke our plane. Seriously, they got on the intercom and said, "Sorry, but the plane is broken." I guess they didn't mention Jesus because it's not PC. Anyway, I got to go to the used gear sale after all, and my life was complete.
Then I came home, and spent the next two weeks studying for the United States Medical Licensing Exam, Step 1 (I have to take two more of these before I get my license. Step 3 is two days long.). If you know me, you'll understand that having to spend two weeks studying was the worst experience of my entire life. My only consolation is that most people spend 5-7 weeks studying. Of course they'll do better than me, but I got to go the REI used gear sale and they didn't. Anyway, I finally got the test over with, and that's amazing.
Fourth and finally, I know have this one week to do all the projects on our new house. My projects include: putting in new fans, putting in a garden on the side of the house, putting in a garden with a pond and waterfall in the back yard, replacing some of the siding on our garage, rewiring the lights in our garage, painting, and planting a crap load of bushes.
Anyway, my two favorite things about our house right now are 1) last night Laura and I drank some port in our library and 2) right over where our waterfall garden will be, there is a mimosa tree which is blooming right now. Our entire yard smells like a flower garden. It's unreal.

Crap

I seriously don't understand how Laura and I have accumulated so much crap in our place. You wouldn't think too much would fit into a condo, but we've already taken three truck loads of crap up to Tulsa, and we've been packing for the last few days, and there's still so much stuff! Next time we move, I think I'll just get rid of everything and buy new stuff when we get to wherever our new will be. Oh, wait, I'm in medical school, not law school, so I still won't be making jack when I get out.
As a side note, I have to take step one of the United States Medical Licensing Exam in four weeks. I have four weeks to master two years of med school. AND I'm going to Portland in the middle of it.
To top it off, I just spilled coffee on my crotch. Awesome.

You know you're an Oklahoman if, ...

when the tornado sirens are going off, and the weathermen say there is a tornado a mile from your house, you run outside in hopes of seeing it. I know what you are thinking- "Oh Josh, you are so brave/awesome/foolish/sexual/pasty-white/Republican/valiant." But I want you to know that first, I don't think there was a real tornado. I think there was strong winds that some guy in a car four miles away thought was a "rain-wrapped funnel." I also put on my amazing new rain jacket that Laura bought me that, when they found my mangled body among uprooted trees, would have kept my torso dry. A dry torso is very important. Anyway, this "tornado" was right over Keith's apartment, but unfortunately he's still around to be Debbie Downer next weekend.

You also know you're an Oklahoman if you copy an old Jeff Foxworthy joke in hopes of being funny.

I almost don't hate OKC today

Today it's raining, and I think it'll rain most of the day. I love cloudy days. Usually what happens here is that it starts out cloudy in the morning, and I think, "Oh, even though I'm in
Oklahoma City, I want to be alive today." But inevitably, by noon, all the clouds are gone and it's a bright, shiny, and sick nasty humid day, and I realize that I was so wrong about wanting to be alive. Not today though. Today is going to stay cloudy. Today is going to be perfect. I'm excited to be alive today so I can... study. Awesome.

We bought a house

And by "we," I actually mean "Laura." Apparently mortgage companies aren't too fond of my gazillion dollars worth of school loans, so Laura got the loan, and so its her name on the house. I vaguely remember some guy from law school saying something about co-ownership of property in marriage, but all I know is my name's on the trucks. I think it's a fair trade.
So anyway, we closed yesterday, and we are officially the proud owners of 1135 S. Sandusky Ave. As of today, our lovely home has two chairs, a cheap bookshelf, and a box of books in it. What more could you need? Meanwhile, back in OKC, we are deep in the madness of deciding what furniture goes where, what walls need to be painted, and how I'm going to fit both my trucks in our one car garage (I still refuse to admit that it's impossible).
Oh, and here's the link to the "virtual tour" of our house:
http://www.tulsamidtownhomes.com/Tulsa/Oklahoma/Homes/730358/Beverly_Hill/Agent/Listing_1337022.html

Eggnog

Yes, right now I am enjoying Pike Place roast with genuine Braum's eggnog in it. It is nothing short of heaven. How could I achieve such a glorious brew? Through the miracle of deep freezes. Now my one solace in the winter months is comforting me in this warm weather.
It sounds dumb, but eggnog is one of those things that always brings back memories for me, my nostalgia if you will. So, speaking of being nostalgic, we're packing and getting ready to move, and it's weird to look at everything around us and know that it'll be out of our lives in a few weeks. A full quarter of my life has been spent living in this city, wrapped in this Nazarene bubble. Laura and I haven't known each other while living anywhere else, and now we're leaving this all behind to go someplace new.
I can't wait.

On mute

Now that I'm back from the Crawfish Boil and Pickle has left town, I have to come back to reality. I feel like that scene in Fight Club, where they've really started up the club and Ed Norton has to go back to work. He says that it sounds like someone has just turned the volume down on life around him. That's where I'm at right now.

In other news, Laura and I are for sure buying a house. They're doing repairs right now, and we close on the 30th. It is at once the most exciting and terrifying thing we've done since getting married.

What really matters

Here I am, nine o'clock the night before an exam that is definitely going to rock my world. I've already been beaten down by two other tests this week, and yet I can't make myself study for tomorrow. I should be scared. I should be stressed. But I'm not. You know why?

Crawfish Boil

Yesterday we had inspections on what may be our future home. There were some pretty ridiculous things wrong, and they probably won't fix them, which means we'll have to start this process over yet again. I should be sad. I should be disheartened. But I'm not. You know why?

Crawfish Boil

Our secret is out!

Friends, and by friends I mean a group of Nazarene white people (Yes Joe Ibanez, you count too), we have been found out. My wife, in all of her melanin-lacking glory found a blog called Stuff White People Like. Thinking it was just a joke, I checked it out, only to find every detail of my albinic life displayed in convenient blog format. You must check it out and be confronted with your own self-made stereotypes.
To save you some time, I want to highlight two of the posts:
For the Oregonians out there:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/03/11/87-outdoor-performance-clothes/
And for the OKC1st folk out there:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/03/05/82-hating-corporations/

It just blew your freaking mind, didn't it?

A day of letdowns and giving in to peer pressure

Yesterday Laura and I went on a gift-returning spree. My extended family gives some pretty ridiculous gifts, and so most holidays are Laura and I faking a smile and then looking for the gift receipts. First on our list was Mardel's. I know, I threw up in my mouth just thinking about that store too. Anyway, we return a ton of crap and get the new Shane Claiborne book and Jon Foreman's CD's, which brings me to letdown #1: Foreman's Fall EP sucks. The lyrics are amazing, but the guy just drones on and on. It's like he dosed up on tranquilizers before he started recording. Right, well, next on our list was Bath and Body Works. Why? Because this year my aunt got us two fancy bags that are exactly like the bags she got us last Christmas. Anyway, these had price tags for $65 bucks each, and Laura and I thought we'd have candles to last a lifetime with this exchange, which brings me to letdown #2: we could only return the bags for 90% off. That's right, these two designer bags got us 13 bucks. Apparently these bags are from two Christmases ago. Awesome.

So, on to me giving in to peer pressure. It seems the thing to do today is to rant about Wal-Mart and how it is actually run by the Anti-Christ himself. While I think Wal-Mart can't hold this position as long as anything Apple is being sold, I still hate the place. It's not because of a company staying within its rights and recouping losses in a lawsuit, it's because of my dear Broken Arrow. Down the street from my parents' house, there was a Wal-Mart. It was convenient and beautiful. However, they decide to build a Super Center two miles down the road, and so they close down my beloved store. That happened when I was in eighth grade. Last weekend Laura and I drove past the still vacant store. It's been a decade since they closed that store, and they still won't rent it out because they don't like Target. Also, if you ever drive through Guymon, you'll see where they built a Super Center right across the street from the old Wal-Mart. Seriously, right across the street. It's like watching Starbucks come to town.

Why I hate lawyers

Besides Zach Herbert's existence, malpractice suits, and three year degree programs, I hate lawyers because of ethics. We have to take this ethics class at school, and today's topic was end of life care. Of course, Oregon and its Christ-like allowance for doctor-assisted suicide came up. Now instead of allowing us to have a meaningful discussion, this lawyer/preceptor decides to talk about her stupid dog. She talks for fifteen minutes about how she loves her dog as much as her grandchildren, but the dog has a huge tumor on its bladder. After droning on and on about spending thousands of dollars on its treatment, she ends with this quote-
"It was a great relief just knowing that euthanasia was always an option for my dog. Isn't it weird that euthanasia is an option for treatment in dogs, but it's not an option for humans?"

You've got to be kidding me.

Remembering my childhood

The other day Keith and I were having our usual Seinfeld-esque conversation on the way home from school, and we landed on the topic of childhood toys. Come to find out, we both had some of the coolest toys ever made: Starcom. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you've already failed at life. I still have all my Starcom toys securely stored in my parents' attic, so if someday you feel like filling that dark hole in your heart, I'll let you play with them. Maybe.
Anyway, I found this article today that perfectly articulates every feeling I ever had about Starcom, and it may be able to explain their majesty to you:

http://www.digitalmonkeybox.com/starcom.htm

Goin' home

Yesterday was a miracle. As I sat at home, loathing the fact that I have to study, I heard the rush of angels' wings. As I looked up, I saw the heavens open and the Lord standing with the Golden Driller, real trees, and a QuikTrip cup. He spake unto me, saying "Josh, cometh home. I shall forsake thee in the land of the heathens no longer. Thou shalt come the place of My dwelling, and thou shalt learn medicine in My embrace. And lo, thou shalt no longer pay for food, parking, or books, for thou shalt receive such blessings in the lands I have prepared for you."
And so, after six years of exile, I am finally coming home. Home to streets and highways that make sense. Home to cheap drink summers at QT. Home to trees and hills. Home to good restaurants with good food. Home to days without obscene wind. Home to life away from SNU. Home even farther away from Zach Herbert.

Honesty screws you every time

Today I had a mock interview with a fake patient at medical school. I left out one little section of a half hour interview. I remembered this section literally two steps out of the door at the end of the interview, and cracked up because, well, that's the story of my life. Anyway, when I come back in for the fake patient to tell me how I did, I start off by admitting my error and telling her this whole story of remembering just a little too late.
"Oh, thank you," she says, "I had just given you full credit, but I'll make sure to mark that down and change it."
Being a "good Christian" or just being stupid? Sometimes the line just can't be drawn.

Home again

After an unbelievable Christmas, we're finally home. There really is nothing like coming home after a long vacation in Tulsa/Oregon. Oh wait, there is- stepping in dog crap. I hate Oklahoma City.

And I'm sick.